My son has been away for almost two weeks. I still wake up at 3am and every hour thereafter thinking that I have to get up and test him. He has called me with problems twice. We have not had a lot of contact other than that.
When he comes home, I will look at his meter and do my best not to totally lose it when I see how many bg readings are missing. I have set a pretty low target in my own head for him to meet. If he has checked this minimal amount of times, I will do my very best not to freak out at all. If he has not met this minimal requirement, there will be a lot more talking and consequences. Well that is the plan at least.
In the meantime, I am slowly overcoming my latest bout of “Mommy Guilt”. You see, with my son gone, I can enjoy that extra glass of wine without worry that I will need to be focused and sharp at 2am. I can lay in my bed at 4am and not have to test to see if his bg level is rising or dropping. I do not have to figure out the carbs for any meal. Basal rates and site changes are things that I hope he is dealing with and I will handle further when he gets home.
I get that break. Now, my son gets a break as well. He doesn’t have me telling him to test. He doesn’t have me asking if he has changed that infusion set. I have only text him and asked about readings after we have made a change.
He does however still have to count all of those carbs. He still has to consider how to handle his insulin after hiking with friends or staying up until the early hours of the morning. He has to remember to do his site changes and to retest after a low. He has to decide when to say “this site has failed and needs to be changed.” He doesn’t get a break from any of that. He still has to handle those highs and lows while I get a break.
As a parent, we want to take those burdens from our children. We can’t of course. I give him as much respite as I can when he is with me, but one day soon he won’t be with me anymore. He will be doing all of this on his own. These small breaks prepare both of us but I know that I have the better end of the deal. I have started having nightmares that I have overslept and forgot to test him but they will fade in the coming days as I get back into the routine of getting up again.
It’s all a part of growing up with diabetes whether we like it or not…and I really do NOT like it.