A1c Guilt

Its weird.  When we get our A1c, I hate telling other people what it is.  We work hard but I know a lot of other people who work hard too. We use a pump but they use a pump too. The only CGM we have is our own regular testing. Despite all of this, I have friends who struggle to see an A1c under 8.  We have rarely, in twelve years, seen one over 7.  

I have no delusions of this lasting forever. I know my son will hit his own walls when Mom is not around. I know that I have provided a cushion for those years however. I have been told this cushion may help him during those rough years reducing the chances of complications. I pray so. 

Despite that fact, I rarely publicly state his A1c.  I feel guilty because we succeed where others struggle. I don’t see us doing anything different. Maybe we are just lucky. 

My son actually sees diabetes has relatively easy! That scares me.  He says,
“its simple.  You count the carbs.  You give the insulin.  You test. You adjust. What is the big deal?” 

Wow.  I know its not that simple but perhaps it is good that he doesn’t see it as that big of a burden or a problem. I know he sees it as an annoyance. I know he sees it as something he would rather ignore but it does not appear to be a “challenge” to him.  It is simply his life.  I guess that is one thing to be grateful for. 

But its a LOT of work!

I know that I have said that I am not worried or fussing about my son’s upcoming A1c…and I’m not.  Its past. There is nothing that can be done.  The next A1c will only have my control for 2 out of 3 months. He will be on his own for one month while he visits with family and friends. This is traditionally his worst A1c of the year. I can provide hands on help for two of those three months though.

I have been logging daily for our clinic appointment next week. Perhaps, my plan to stop logging for the past few months was a bit premature.  As I log, I find mistakes, errors, and missed tests.  There is a lot of information to learn from.  It is also a lot of work. 

I can understand why adults with diabetes get burnt out.  There is so much there. There is guilt. There is frustration.  I think that its time that I really do continue with this however but I also know that I will get bored; I will get busy; I will get frustrated.  How do I expect my son to do this later on in his life? 

I expect it because I have worked so hard for so long to teach him. I expect it because its what keeps him alive. All of my work has to make some difference. It has to sink in…but its a lot of work! The benefit is a healthy child. 

I guess that last line says it all. Its all about keeping him healthy.  I will try to keep the logging up after his appointment. I will attempt to micro manage, to teach, to breath and not freak out. The last part will be my biggest challenge. 

Its so easy to get frustrated at the same mistakes. On the upside, during this week, every day has brought a new and unique mistake! I will have to focus on that. Learning,not harping. Working together, not creating a widening gap.  Doing this for all of the right reasons and keeping communication lines open. Breathing and perhaps more wine…yeah I can do this!    

The team!