The holidays are quickly creeping upon us and my brain is about to explode. Life continues. There is never enough time in the day and I am so grateful to have a man in my life who is getting Christmas dealt with around me. Our yard looks great, I am getting things slowly organized inside, and as I dawdle along he is busy putting things up around me.
So why is my brain ready to pop its last wire? As always there is a tonne of things to do each day and never enough time. Log books have fallen behind. Blood glucose tests have been missed. Highs are happening…oops so are lows and in the midst of all that? Well I have not one but TWO teen aged boys. I am too young for this stress.
You see, my oldest son does not have diabetes. I have spent over ten years focusing on diabetes and in the past four years, dealing with some teen issues now and then. My son thinks he is perfect but he has had a few teen moments that have added to my steadily growing crop of white hairs (yes Mom, my hair too is going white not grey). He will soon be legal to drive and that scares me. Teen boys behind the wheel, showing off for their friends. Car crashes, alcohol use, drugs, girls…YIKES! but he doesn’t have diabetes so that is my only worry with him.
My youngest son however has diabetes. We battle over log books, testing, bolusing, etc. I worry about highs and lows. I worry when he is away if he is testing. I worry when he is at school because I don’t know if he is taking care of himself. I worry about complications when he is a young man. Now that he is getting older, we are starting to have to throw in the same other issues I dealt with previously in my first child. Isn’t it enough to have to deal with diabetes but now I have attitude and teen wings to have to deal with?
I have to say that attitude has never been a prolonged problem with my boys. Grades have been a lifelong issue but you can work diabetes into the mix there. “Yes, you need to study more and see? If you had been logging and testing we would have had you in range and you would have more easily understood what was being taught.” He says he gets it and he needs to change but he is a teen. He is smart. He thinks he knows what Mom wants to hear. The talk is cheap.
The latest hurdle is the teen need for power and to run with the big boys and their toys. Images that haunted me with child #1 are flying back with a vengeance with child #2. I may be the major caregiver when it comes to diabetes but I am thankful to have someone in my life now who can help me drive down this road called adolescence. The diabetes road has me used to the nausea that comes from its unexpected turns and twists. I cry, I get frustrated, but I know that I am doing my best to keep him safe. The teen road has some familiar bends but losing my stomach around certain corners leaves me counting my blessings to now be driving with someone who can take those corners with greater expertise. The teen road has too many blind turns where I have no control, no say, and no ability to protect. Its the hardest part of being a mother for me. Dealing with the stuff that I have no control over.
Even with diabetes, my control is so much less now. I can’t control his eating. I can’t control his testing. He is becoming independent and that may kill me yet.