Tag Archives: diabetes

Tips for Managing Diabetes in the Summer

diabetes family summer partyIts summer!! I mean it really is finally summer! Some areas have been enjoying great weather for a bit but where I live–well, I kind of wondered if summer was ever going to show up.   Now that it is really here, let’s talk about a few tips for managing diabetes in the summer months.

Keep your insulin and test strips cool.

Summer heat can literally ruin blood glucose test strips and insulin.  If you are on injections, make sure to keep your insulin stored in a cool place. If you are pumping, again, make sure that your pump doesn’t get overheated.  You may even want to consider changing out your cartridges more often to ensure that your insulin is fresh and hasn’t been compromised by the heat.

Test strips also react to extreme temperatures.  Again also make sure that they are stored in a cool place.  If you are traveling to the beach or theme parks, you may want to invest in a FRIO Insulin Cooling Pump Wallet.  They are convenient little cooling packs that will help to keep things chilled.

If you don’t have access to Frio packs, another great suggestion is to use frozen juice packs.  You can keep your supplies cool and are prepared for lows!

Mastistol and Antiperspirant are pumpers’ new best friends.

Summer often means swimming and swimming can mean chlorine. Chlorine can bring extra headaches for people with diabetes using an insulin pump in the summer. Personally,  the only way for us  to keep sites on in chlorine was by making sure that a product  like Fernandale Mastisol Liquid Adhesive was used on the skin prior to set insertion.

For people using an insulin pump and/or a CGM, you may also want to look at using an antiperspirant on the site.  Apply a light coat of antiperspirant (not deodorant) to the insertion site area.  This will help to keep sites in place when your body begins to sweat!

Have snacks everywhere.

Summer heat can bring its own challenges for managing diabetes. It tends to mean more exertion and rapidly dropping blood glucose levels.  Make sure to carry extra snack foods with you wherever you go.  One parent suggests that you stock up on Freezies.  They are perfect treats for lows and also help ward off dehydration.  Other families have suggested fruit and frozen grapes as must have snacks for on the go.

Drink lots of water.

Dehydration is a real problem in the heat.  It is especially important for people living with diabetes to stay hydrated because dehydration will cause blood glucose levels to spike.

Test often.

Heat, exhaustion and the fun of the sun can really mess with blood glucose levels so make sure that you test often to avoid any serious diabetes related emergencies.

Bring extras!

As I have said, infusion sets can fall out.  Blood sugar levels can go crazy.  It is vital that you carry extras of everything–extra snacks, extra water, extra test strips, extra insulin and extra infusion sets just in case.

Wear sunscreen.

I know, everyone is supposed to wear sunscreen so really is this a diabetes issue? Well no…and yes! It turns out that sunburns have been known to really mess with blood glucose levels.  The moral of the story? Stay hydrated and wear sunscreen to help keep blood glucose levels in check.

Have fun!

Finally, in Canada especially, we just don’t seem to see summer for long enough so plan ahead and enjoy all that this summer has to offer you and your family!

*please note that affiliate links have been used in this post.  While these links do not direct to the only places to purchase the highlight products, purchasing from the links does support the work of Diabetes Advocacy

I don’t have diabetes but diabetes can still bring me down.

Diabetes is exhausting.  The emotional toll of test, calculate, bolus is incredible. I am lucky.  I don’t have diabetes, but diabetes can still bring me down.  Because I don’t have diabetes, when it does tend to be too much I can step away,  put it on the back burner and regroup before I dive  in again. I wish everyone with diabetes had it that easy.

For years I was my son’s external pancreas.  It was exhausting.  I never slept more than four hours at a time.  If I woke up during the night, I tested his blood glucose levels.  We had no CGMs.  We just had me. It was my job to make sure that he was in range.  I was the one to calculate carbs, adjust insulin ratios and log blood glucose readings.

My son tested and learned alongside of me but I carried the bulk of the burden…until he turned 16.  At 16, he decided that he could handle it all.  He carried the entire burden for the next three years unless he was visiting me.  When he was with me, I took over as much as he wanted.

Taking over wasn’t the same as doing it 24/7.  That being said, being an external pancreas also wasn’t the same as being the one to experience the highs, lows and pokes with needles multiple times per day.  Not being able to “fix it” or take it away could (can) bring me down as much as the pressure of daily diabetes care.

I  still wish that I could take the pain away. I wish that my son would know a different life.  There isn’t a day that I don’t ache for the families and other people living with diabetes knowing that they can never stop testing or injecting.  Their very lives depended on it.

As I  brush away those feelings, a new sadness often creeps in and diabetes can bring me down again.  The new sadness often comes from   my advocacy efforts.

Ever since my son’s diagnosis, I have worked very hard in various advocacy arenas.  I have worked with grassroots groups, individuals and large organizations to see changes for children and adults living with type 1 diabetes.  This means that I also am exposed to the worst in the diabetes world.  People come to me when they are struggling and don’t know where else to turn.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being that shoulder. I love being able to give back to them in the same way that others were there for me.  The problem for me arises when we can’t see a perfect resolution.  I ache when someone comes to me with a situation that I know there is just no current solution for. I want to fix it desperately but when I can’t?  Diabetes can bring me down.

At some points that sadness because I can’t fix it has been overwhelming.  Those are the times that I have had to step back a bit. I have had to reduce the time I spent on issues and allow myself to step back from the advocacy arena.  During these times, I remind myself that there are many others out there who can handle it just as well and I regroup.

I will admit, sometimes diabetes has brought me down so far that I wondered if I would come back.  Had my advocacy usefulness past? Was I too cynical? I can’t really answer that but I can say that I recharge and am pulled back into the ring by families and individuals who continue to reach out looking to me for help.

I don’t have diabetes.  Diabetes can still bring me down but it never keeps me down.  Each day I wake ready to work a little harder.  Each day I will share what has worked for us and hope to inspire and assist others living with diabetes.  I will continue to work with individuals and groups to create better care for people with diabetes regardless of education or income level.  Diabetes can bring me down but it will not win. My battle won’t end until a cure is found.

Diabetes is not a joke. Diabetes kills.

candleDiabetes is not a joke. Diabetes is not about weight or junk food.  This disease requires those living with it to walk a fine line…too much or too little insulin can have catastrophic ramifications. The fear is real and justified.  Diabetes kills. 

The article below was originally published on May 11, 2016.  It was exceptionally hard to write.  As a parent of a child with diabetes, we know that diabetes is deadly but we hope it will never kill one of our own.  When it does….well your world is shaken to the core and is never the same again. 

I think of this family daily.  I can only begin to imagine their pain and the pain of others who have also lost their loved ones to this disease.  We will never forget. We will continue to work towards a cure. 

In the diabetes online community, the appearance of a blue candle suggests that someone has lost their life to diabetes.  Its a time of sorrow and a time during which we hug our loved ones a little closer. It is also a  time to test a little more often before we allow the memory to fade and we move on.

Last week I received a message that made my heart stop.

I headed over to a friend’s Facebook page to verify what I had read.

blue-candleThere was  the blue candle.

My breathing stopped.

I read her post.

The tears began to flow.

Through the tears I sent a message to my friend.  She confirmed my worst fears with her words “I just want him back.”

“Oh, I wish I could bring him back for you!”

That’s what I replied through the tears.  I was numb.  The blue candle was no longer for a stranger who could have been my child.  This candle was for a child that I had watched grow through our online communications. This was happening to a friend who had been there for me through highs and lows of  16 years with diabetes.  I wished I could bring her son back to her.  The pain was too much for me and  I couldn’t begin to imagine how she was feeling. It hurt too much to try.

No mother should bury their child. We shouldn’t have to mourn for those who have yet to have fully enjoyed their lives. There is something fundamentally wrong with that. It makes our hearts ache.

When we hear of a child lost, we hurt but we push it away. It happens to other people.  It is horrible but it happens to other people.  But what about when it doesn’t? What about when it hits your family?

Last week it hit my family and the pain is still fresh.

15 +years ago, I became connected to the internet.  I reached out to find “parents of children with diabetes”.  Instead I found an information email list, or so I thought but what I really found was a family.

I found people, some that I would meet, some that I would talk to on the phone, and some that I would never know beyond the keystrokes of a keyboard. All of them would become family.  They would be by my side through the good times and the bad.  They would understand diabetes –its peaks and valleys but they would also understand me.  This incredible online community would be there for me at all hours from around the globe.  They were Friends for Life–they were family.

Over the years, some of those connections have been neglected.  Our children have grown and some of  our children have become parents themselves.  We have watched each other’s lives on Facebook and occasionally we wish each other well.

Other connections remain strong. We reach out regularly.  We have remained in contact and fondly look back on where we have been.

No matter whether we are close or drifted, when tragedy strikes we are all one big family again. One family united by pain–sobbing with each other.  A family holding each other in virtual hugs through real tears.

Tragedy isn’t supposed to hit us. Not a direct hit  like this one.  Diabetes in to supposed to take a child that we “knew” and watched grow but it has.  The pain is unbearable.

I know that the pain will fade for some of us.  It will dull a little for my friend but that missing piece will never be replaced.  I am lucky.  In 16 years, my son has stayed quite healthy.  In all of this time, I have only known of one person–whom I had met, spoken with, and been friends with, who had died because of diabetes but now there are two. Those are two too many.

I don’t want there to be any more.  There must be a cure.  People with diabetes deserve better access to treatments.  We need more awareness. We need more…

Those of us in the diabetes community  will continue to work harder. Some people will bike more while others will walk more. We will all advocate louder.

Our hope will remain.

We came together because of diabetes but we have stayed together because of  incredible friendships that knows no borders.  I pray that one day we will celebrate a life without diabetes.  Until then, hug your loved one a little closer today.  Send prayers and strength to the families who have lost someone during our fight. I am grateful to each of you who have become such an important part of my life.

What Parents of Children with Diabetes Wish You knew…

d parentsHave you read the blog post “What Everyone with Diabetes wishes you knew“? Go and read it if you haven’t. Bring tissues.  After I wiped away the tears, I began to think about “what parents of children with diabetes wish you knew.”  Some of us don’t have diabetes ourselves but we still have very strong feelings about the issue.  As parents of people with diabetes, we have things that we wish  our children knew.  There are also things that we wish that the general public knew.

Parents of children with diabetes wish that the our children with diabetes knew that….

We would take this disease from them in a heartbeat…a heartbeat.

With every tear that they shed,  we have privately cried  a hundred more… We didn’t want you to see how much it hurts us to hurt you.  We told you that we do this to keep you healthy and alive (and we do) but it kills us too.

No matter how old you are, we still want to “make it better”. Seriously.  Still.

We know that you can handle it.  We just wish that you didn’t have to…As parents of children with diabetes, when we were completely responsible for your care, we got tired and wanted a break. We understand that you, as the person with diabetes must feel the same way at times. We wish we could carry the burden for you.

Even when we don’t ask you how your readings are, we are still wondering if they are okay…We know that you are more than a number.  As parents of children with diabetes, we understand that blood glucose levels are only part of the story but we want you to be okay.  We want to know that the readings are okay as well.

We have watched you sleep and cried at all of the holes that we have put into your body just to keep you alive.

Every night that we sat awake waiting for your blood glucose to rise or fall, we did from love and a need to keep you safe.

When we nag at your for not testing, injecting or rotating sites it’s because we want you to have a long and healthy life.  It’s not that we love the sound of our own voices. It’s not that we think you don’t have a clue. As parents, we know  that life happens and people forget. We just want to help.

If you need us to, we will still help you with any care or night testing.  Ask.  We might be out of practice but we are quick studies. We will help you any way and any time that we can. It’s just what parents do.

Even if you aren’t my child and you live with diabetes, I wish I could take it from you.  Honestly,  I wish I could help you carry that burden for a week and let you breathe.  I have told you this before and I mean it. I don’t care how old you are.  You are someone’s child with diabetes.  You carry the same burden as my own child.  It still kills me.

I wish you didn’t have to carry so much “gear” with you when you go out.  I wish you knew the luxury of just grabbing your wallet and keys and heading out the door without concern for insulin, pump, glucometer and glucose tablets.

We wish for a cure too. Until it arrives, we will work with you to have the best care, the best knowledge and the best tools that we can afford.

As parents of people with diabetes, we wish that the general public really understood that…

Type 1  is not the same as type 2 diabetes.  Each disease has its own challenges and issues.

We did not cause our children to develop diabetes.  Seriously, we carry enough guilt about not protecting our children from an invisible disease.  Your added blame is not required.

It is okay for our children to have treats now and again, the same as your children do. No child–or adult should live on junk food but a cupcake now and again will just brighten someone’s day…or raise a falling blood glucose level.

Insulin is not a cure. It just keeps my son alive…and can kill him. It is a carefully managed tool that he use must use at all times.

An insulin pump is not a cure either.  A pump is an expensive tool that not everyone can afford.  Even for those lucky enough to be able to use one, there is still much work to be done to be safe and healthy.

Diabetes is expensive. Let me repeat this….diabetes is EXPENSIVE. There are many great advances in diabetes care but they are only available to those with excellent insurance or deep pockets.  The cost of diabetes supplies can range from the equivalent of a car payment or  mortgage payment each month. Again, that is just for a person with diabetes to stay alive.

I look tired because I don’t sleep at night.  After years of worrying about my son’s blood glucose levels and testing him numerous times per night–well I still wake up. I still worry about what his readings are. I still don’t sleep properly

Worrying isn’t about being an overprotective helicopter parent or because I have nothing better to do with my time.  I worry because diabetes is deadly.  Errors in insulin, errors in tools or simply changes in activity levels can have lethal consequences for people with diabetes.  This isn’t just talk. This is real.  I have lost friends to this disease.  Parents of children with diabetes  have seen their children die because of diabetes. Diabetes kills. It is a scary disease.

As a parent of a child with diabetes, I hope both my child and the general public know that I will continue to work hard every day to improve the lives of people with diabetes. I will offer a helping hand, a strong shoulder or the voice of experience where necessary. I will continue to dream of a day when we can say that we are parents of children cured of diabetes.

 

 

Diabetes changes your vocabulary

It’s funny how your vocabulary changes when diabetes enters your world.  I saw nothing wrong with sternly telling my 5-year-old son who was having a tantrum in public.. “You had better be high mister!” In hindsight, you do have to wonder how many adults were wondering why I was okay with my child being stoned.

Before diabetes, if someone said that they were low, I would have assumed that they were having a bad day.  I would have offered them a shoulder to lean on…today I am running for glucose!

Twenty years ago, if you had told me to grab a site, I would have thought you meant a campsite and would be questioning why I, of all people, would seriously want a camping site? I prefer camping in a 4 star hotel to sleeping on the ground with bugs and other creatures.

Today when I ask my son to tell me his BS, I don’t want to hear the lies that he has to tell. Gone are the days when BS meant bulls*!@.  Now it reflects important blood glucose information.

A juice box is no longer just something to have on hand when the grandchildren pop over for a visit.  Those little guys are vital, life-saving bottles of sugar to be used when my son comes in from work and says “I’m low”.  He doesn’t want a hug, he just wants that juice!

A Pump is not just for breast milk
A Pump is not just for breast milk

I recently reached out to the diabetes community  and asked what words had new meaning for them when diabetes came into their lives.  The answers were pretty funny! Check these out…

  • A D-bag is no longer a douche bag but rather that super important kit that contains all things diabetes related.
  • Checking your numbers no longer refers to wondering if you have won the lottery.  When diabetes moves in, it is hoping that you win that diabetes lottery and your readings are perfect.
  • As a parent, this was one of the hardest ones for me  to handle…”If you are not hungry then leave your salad and make sure that you finish your dessert!”
  • The question, “How is your 6 year old’s reading?” now sends one parent to automatically check their child’s CGM rather than reply as to what sort of books they are currently able to read.
  • “Make sure you wash all of the blood off of your hands.” has nothing to do with clean up after  a serious accident, applying trauma care or cleaning up a murder scene.
  • A pump isn’t just for breast milk any more!
  • “What’s your number” is not a pick up line.
  • A “Sugar Daddy” does not refer to a man who is supporting a woman in a lavish lifestyle but rather the father of a child with diabetes.

I never realized how much my vocabulary has changed since diabetes came into our lives.  Quite a few of these made me laugh as I realized how odd they must sound to the outside world!

What sort sayings or words have completely changed their meaning for you since diabetes barged into your life?

 

Diabetes Diagnosis day…It slipped my mind

Celebrating 17 years of health and wellness
Celebrating 17 years of health and wellness

It slipped my mind…sort of…well, more so than ever before. Today is the day that Diabetes turns 17 years old in our house.  Strangely, it hasn’t consumed all of my thoughts this month.  I haven’t planned this post for weeks in advance…in fact I actually had another post planned for this week when I realized the date!

That is unheard of for me.

Every March I think of two things…what will I get my oldest son for his birthday and how long diabetes has been a part of my youngest son’s life.

This March has been a bit different.  I was busy this March with other things.  For the first few days of the month, I got to spend time with my nephews after not seeing them for a  few years.  I was able to meet my youngest nephew for the very first time.  We enjoyed cuddles and goofing around.  It wasn’t until I was home that I thought about his little life and the life of his older cousin–my youngest son.

When my son was his age, he was being stabbed with a needle somewhere in his body 5+ times per day.  At the age of 3, his little fingers had tiny marks from testing his blood glucose levels 8 or more times per day.  My sweet little nephew had bruises on his knees from playing outside with his trucks.  When my son was that age, he had similar bruises but there were also bruises that would sometimes find his arms, legs or stomach after an injection.

I am so glad that none of my nephews have had to go through this.  I remain in awe of how well my son has managed to cope.  He won’t even notice this day.  Life with diabetes is all that he has ever known.  For him, it is simply be St. Patrick’s Day–an excuse to go out with his friends and have a beer.

I will pause as I always do.  Most likely I will message a dear friend whose son shares this “dia-versary”.  On this day, I will  be extra grateful for the many incredible and lasting friendships that diabetes has brought into my life.  I will also take a moment to cry for the friend who lost her child last year–we were brought together because of our sons’ common diagnosis of type 1 diabetes.

Today I am sure that I will slip back in time for a moment.  There will be a pause in my day when I vividly recall the lifeless child that I held in my arms 17 years ago.  I will remember the prayers that I said and the prayers that were offered as we rushed to the hospital.  At one point today I will see, in my mind’s eye, the doctor who sent my son to ICU and told me, “if he makes it through the next 24 hours, you will need to learn a lot about diabetes.” The phone calls, the terror, the uncertainty will all come flooding back just like it was yesterday.

Today I will quietly cry for the life that was lost but I then I will wipe away the tears.  As I tell others, today is about celebrating.  Today marks 17 years that my son has lived strongly with type 1 diabetes.  He has never let it stop him from doing anything–except for shovelling the driveway in the winter.  He seemed to often be conveniently low as a child during that particular chore.

My son now manages his diabetes his way. I don’t test him.  Rarely do I know what his blood sugar levels look like.  I can’t tell you his insulin to carbohydrate ratio or even his basal rates. Diabetes is his disease to handle now.

It hasn’t all been perfect. There have been stumbles along the way.  I still remain there to help when asked.  We discuss carb counts or extended boluses.  I still do site changes when required. Seventeen years later, we are both finding our way  but he is healthy and thriving.  I can ask for nothing more…except a cure of course.

 

Mothers Day Reflections

In North America, Mothers Day is this weekend.

I have seen that JDRF Canada is doing promotion this week on #Type1derWoman  This looks really fun and I can’t wait to see more.

A few years ago, the DRI did a segment on the Real Moms of Diabetes.  A few of my friends took part. It was equally as moving.

And of course there is the incredible poem written by my dear friend Linda Kaniasty that mothers in the UK put to video.  It still makes me cry.

All of these posts have me thinking about life as a D-momma.  My role has changed a lot over the past 16 years.

I started out as the mother of a toddler with diabetes.  I was lucky.  He didn’t mind the shots.  He was okay with finger pokes.  He hated to eat however.  That was a challenge.

If I had it to do all over again…and it was 2016 and not 2000, well I would be putting him on a pump right away.  There is no need to fuss with injections, a pump would give us the flexibility to let him eat the way  he wanted.  I would have a CGM so that when he fell asleep, I would know if he was just napping versus having a low and couldn’t tell me.

I would still use bribery.  Stickers and rewards were a fabulous way to get through everything from potty training to meal fights.  I would still allow him to inject and have control of the diabetes care for his toys.  This was a great way to give him power.  I would still worry and log like crazy but that is me.

Eventually my toddler grew and went to school.  The worry again was tangible.  I had friends who would be watching out for him in school but I was terrified.  There was so much that could go wrong.

If I had to do it again, I would have released the terror.  He was left in the care of teachers who truly cared about their students.  He had friends who cared about him.  They all would do their very best…or call me if in doubt.  I didn’t need to hover. I didn’t need to stress–as much.  It was okay.  Yes, there would be wrinkles along the way but they were small. He would survive.  We would all learn. It is important to relax a little during these years as greater challenges will come.

As my child became a preteen, the issues again changed. We struggled to find a balance between what he should be expected to do and what I should be expected to do.  I ached that he was expected to do so much.  I grew frustrated when one of us failed.  If I had to give myself advice for that time looking back it would be that it will be okay.  You will find your way.  If he didn’t die,  learn from it…both of you.  Work hard. He is listening in his own way.  It will be worth it.  He can stumble a bit.  Its okay to wipe his knees but he will get it.

When my son became a teen…well didn’t that change everything!  There were now hormones.  There was the teen brain.  There were struggles.  There were worries.  How do you balance allowing him to be a normal teen (with all of the worries that comes with that stage) and being a teen with diabetes? You ask for help.  You reach out to those who have been there…and you pray.

As a teen, my son decided that he knew it all.  He decided that he really didn’t need the care of Mom any more.  He moved away and decided to finish high school while living with his father. I foresaw many problems.  Some of them came to pass…some didn’t.  I felt like a failure. I was a parent whose child didn’t want to live with them.  People reminded me that it wasn’t about me, this was about him.  It still hurt.  My one clearly defined role now became more blurry than ever.

My son is now a young adult.  He is 18 and learning to live with the choices that he has made.  He has stumbled.  He has tripped a few times but he has done okay. He is getting stronger in more ways than one.  He understands his body he tells me.  He is tightening his control.  He has learned. He knows he can still come to me when he loses his way.

So what would I tell that Mom of a toddler now? You’ve got this.

What would I tell that mom who is watching her son head off to school? The school and his peers have your back.

What would I tell that mom of a teen? He really did listen and learn when you were sure he wasn’t.  Somehow you will both live to go through another stage of parenthood.  Some days will hurt but most days will be a blessing because when you look back at where you have been, where things could have gone? Life is amazing!

There are still challenges.  We still have a long road ahead of us.  No matter how old my children are, I am still their mother.  They are still my children. I worry. I care. I love them deeper than I could have ever imagined.  They make me shake my head at times but they also make me proud.

For all of you fellow D-mommas, take a moment and be proud.  Be proud of YOU and all that you have accomplished when faced with this huge burden.  YOU are amazing!

liam barb sept 1999b

 

 

He’s Got This

Over Easter, my youngest son came to visit.  Each time he visits me I am shocked by how much he has grown. My little boy is long gone and a young man is emerging. A child with diabetes is being replaced by a young person with diabetes and I stand in awe.

This time I stood back a bit more. I tried not to fall into old habits of taking over care or nagging about testing. I gently reminded. I compared carb counts now and again when asked.  I tested him at night at his request but mostly I sat and watched.

I wondered how his care was going. He hasn’t told me an A1c in years. I worried about his rates. I worried about his health.  The more I tested, the more I watched, the more my pride grew.

He wasn’t perfect.  He still doesn’t test as much as I would like but when he did test, his results were awesome. When he ate junk, which he doesn’t do as much any more, he nailed the bolus.  When he spiked because of a low cartridge and air being delivered instead of insulin, the spike was no longer in the 20s (360+) it hovered in the low teens.

I sat back and realized that he’s got this.  All of those years of preaching, teaching and sharing have paid off.  He is taking care of himself.  He is trying to protect his body from itself and doing a good job.

In a recent conversation I reminded him that he is the expert in his care.  It is his job to ensure that he is able to demonstrate that to medical professionals that he sees.  He should listen to them and be willing to accept their help but he may also have to remind them that he has been doing this all of his life.  He has been privileged to be trained by some of the very best people in diabetes care in the world.  He has a very good handle on things and a huge support network to reach out to when he is in doubt.

He explained that he finds that very frustrating.  He doesn’t want to get into a contest of who knows more when he sees someone but he feels that after all of these years he does know his body.  He is very healthy.  He has got this…and he has!

hes-got-this-poster2

I am dead tired…and feeling guilty

I am worn out, dragged out, dead tired…after just two nights.

I am out of practice.

I want a CGM.

I want a cure.

I feel guilty. I can’t wait to get my sleep back again.

My son came to visit for a few days.  It was the best Easter gift…having both of my boys here with my for Easter dinner! I was over the moon.

Diabetes had to tag along for the ride.  It could have stayed behind.  It played better than it has on some visits however.

I was pleasantly surprised when I got up to test my youngest son on the first night.  He was a perfect 5 (90).  I didn’t sleep. He was perfect. Exactly in range.  What was next? Would he rise? Would he go low? I didn’t sleep. I rested now and then. I checked.  He dropped a bit. Not enough to worry about. I tried to sleep. I worried.

The next night we had the opposite problem.  His cartridge had run low.  His blood glucose went up.  It didn’t go up as high as it had on previous visits.  He is even more fixated on his health and improving his control on his own.  He corrected. He had command of this.

Once again I awoke during the night. I went to his room and tested.  He was high still. He corrected.  I went back to bed.  I wondered if he would drop. I wondered if he would go higher.  I worried. I tried to sleep but I worried.

Tonight he will be in charge of his own care again.He will be the one to wake.  I will wake up just like I have for too many years.  I will wonder what his readings are but I will be able to  roll over and go back to sleep. I won’t be kept awake with a low. I won’t wonder which direction a high will take even with a correction. I will simply roll over and try to sleep…but I will feel guilty because I can just roll over.

I put in my time. I had 16 plus years of sleepless nights between babies and diabetes.  My son has had 16 years of diabetes too.He doesn’t get an end.  As I said, he has become very conscious of his health and his body.  He told me that he already has one faulty organ, so he has to make sure that he doesn’t have any more.

He is growing up.  He is a young adult now. He takes most  things in stride.  I still wish that he could have an end to testing, injecting, carb counting, lows, highs and all of the rest.  Wishing doesn’t make it so. Feeling guilty doesn’t change allow us to change places.  This is just the way it is.   I will keep wishing for that day when I can say “that was the way it was.”

tired

Dear Diabetes, You are 16 now…

1966-chevrolet-corvette-stingray-427-green-silver-3

Dear Diabetes;

You are 16 now.

You are old enough to drive.

You are old enough to date.

You are almost old enough to be finished high school and looking towards a new career.

You are old enough to be looking forward to life on your own.

Unfortunately you don’t have any of those plans.

You are a bum.  You refuse to move on to greener pastures.

You have learned nothing after 16 years.  We have found new treatments to fight you. We have continued to live life to the fullest even when you tried to drag us down.

We have made incredible friends even with you clinging on in the background.

We have continued to live a full life even when you decided to make life horrible by sending blood sugars dangerously high and made my son ill or dropped them low so he had to sit on the sidelines while his friends played.

Diabetes, I have had enough of you.  You no longer wake me up at night. You no longer consume all of my thoughts. You still wake my son however.  Your demands still inconvenience him.  You remain as inconsiderate as ever after all of these years.

I would love nothing more than to kick you out of his life.  I would buy you your own car and send you on your way.  Unfortunately that can’t happen.  You are still with my son after all of these years but guess what? Even when you tried to kill him 16 years ago, he survived! No matter what you have thrown at us, we have survived! It hasn’t been easy.  It has cost us a lot but we are still going.  He has grown to be a strong young man.  I have developed a voice that reaches people in places that I never imagined.

Its been sixteen years since that horrific day when you barged into our lives but we are still strong.  We are still fighting you.  He is still healthy and we are winning. You are still an unwelcome intrusion that we simply tolerate and move forward despite.