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Diabetes Humour...

Life with diabetes is stressful but often we can find humour in the most interesting places! Here a few things that have made us all chuckle over the years.

 

Humorous Tidbits, Diabetes Poetry  and Diabetes Songs,...


But first..... What NOT to say to a parent of a child with diabetes.


Test Strip Locations

 

We all know that test strips are actually alive. They move on their own. They can be found in the most unique locations. Here are some of the interesting places that we have heard of. Please feel free to share with us some of the strange places your test strips have been found.

test strip in coffee Thanks to Michael for sharing!! "Somehow, a One Touch Ultra strip ended up in my coffee cup at work this morning. No idea how it got there, but probably involved a morning blood test of 211 that caused me to cuss and toss my case across my desk. There must have been flailing test strips at hand, also. So, in the spirit, my Blood Meter decided to pose nearby the swimming test strip."

In my daughters thick curly hair after she brushed it with a brush that was next to my bed.  The strip stayed in there through a full day of school. Teresa I

In a school novel. It had been used as a book mark! 

In the yard

Frozen in the ice

In a salad

In the washer and dryer

Fishing tackle box

The teacher's sweater pocket

On the back of the toilet tank

In a make up kit. It needs to be cleaned out on a weekly basis. How do they find there way to these places??

In a clean pair of underwear!

strip on stoveOn the stove!

Strange infusion set locations!


We have found them in the tub, by the garbage, in the car but today I found one attached to the bottom of my Swifter vac! Always something new.

 

Poems

 

No more needles, No more pumps
no more ouches, no more lumps
no more tests, no more fears
no more blood, no more tears
By Gail aged 4yr

The kids go marching one by one hurrah hurrah
The kids go marching one by one hurrah hurrah
the kids go marching one by one
to find a cure to make life fun
hurrah hurrah

The parents go marching two by two hurrah hurrah
the parents go marching two by two hurrah hurrah
the parents go marching two by two
so their kids will no longer be blue
hurrah hurrah

The friends go marching three by three hurrah hurrah
the friends go marching three by three hurrah hurrah
the friends go marching three by three
so everyone will be diabetes free
hurrah hurrah
By Gail's mom

A Mother's Anthem

I am the mother of a diabetic child.
I don’t know what it’s like to go to sleep at night
and know for certain my child will wake up in the morning.
I don’t know what it’s like to sleep the whole night through
without waking up to do blood tests on my sleeping child.
I don’t know what it’s like to prepare a meal
without a calculator, measuring cups, and a gram scale.
I don’t know what it’s like to drop my child off at school
and know she will always be in the charge of someone who knows how to take care of her.
I do know what it’s like to force feed sugar in the middle of the night
knowing I am sacrificing my child’s teeth to save her life.
I do know what it’s like to draw up insulin at 2 am
and pray to God I’m not too sleepy to make a fatal error in judgment,
technique or calculation.
I do know what it’s like to sit underneath the dining room table holding my
sobbing child,
explaining to her, “No, we can’t take a break jus this one time.”
while I inject insulin into her already bruised arm.
I do know what it’s like to walk away from the pharmacy counter with an
armload of supplies
and realize I’ve just gone through another box of 200 syringes.
I do know what it’s like to help my child march bravely past the juice and cookies
at the school reception that was supposed to be her reward for achieving
Student of the Month.
I do know what it’s like to look into my child’s eyes and tell her she has an
incurable disease
and explain to her what that means,
And then to be comforted by her when I’m the one who can’t stop sobbing.
I do know what it’s like to love and cherish my child every minute of every day,
To know that I may someday donate a kidney to her,
And that if she were in need of a heart, mine would be out of the question,
Because it broke a long time ago.
I am the mother of a diabetic child.

Linda Kaniasty
9/22/00

 

A Mom's Promise...

She walks down the hallway in silence so deep,
Keeping watch over him, as her little one sleeps.
With meter in hand, she opens his door,
Making sure not to wake him as she crosses the floor.

She sits on his bedside and brushes his hair,
As he dreams of shooting baskets, without a 'D' care.
She holds his hand softly; his fingers so small,
As she watches and wonders why 'D' came to call.

While she watches him sleeping, so peaceful and warm,
The forces inside him fight a constant 'D' storm.
Will he ever be free of shots and blood testing?
She sits and she wonders as she watches him resting.

The beep of the meter breaks the silence of the night,
A small drop of blood tells if everything's right.
The seconds count down to the final display,
I hate this damn meter; I want to throw it away.

The number is fine, one down, a lifetime to go,
As he turns in his sleep, will he ever know?
Why does this ‘D’ happen to someone so small?
My son is my hero, but my baby most of all.

She turns at his doorway, looking back one more time,
It's a nightly routine of the very worst kind.
She walks down the hallway and time passes by,
As she sits in dark silence and quietly cries.

I have to stay strong, and for him I will fight,
We’ll battle this ‘D’ with all of our might.
I’ll teach him to master and conquer this foe,
This 'D' will not stop him, I promised him so.

By Gary
written in 2001; passed away 2002


Pssss Did Someone Say Diabetes

Psss, did someone say it? did I hear?
Did you say diabetes is near?
If this is right,
If this is true
I want you to know that I have it too.
First thing that I want to tell you,
The first thing you must know
and this is very important, I really do think so
Listen to me,
I want to make this very very clear
Diabetes is not something that you ever have to fear
Diabetes is not a monster, but it is something you must overcome
It is something you need to learn to live with and it is not something you can run from
It is something you will need to fight
and you must take the time and do this right
Check your blood sugar at all the right times
Learn the highs and the lows and all of their signs
Diabetes is not a game but there is a way that you can still win
Everyday, when you need, take your insulin
You will need to learn to count the carbs in all the food that you eat
and there will be times when you go low and it will be time for a special treat
But most of all, you must be patient, take care and believe
That one day there will be a cure
Just you wait and see

Written by Nicole C

The Diabetes Daughter

The worrying never stops morning, noon and night
The tension that surrounds us you could cut it with a knife
The confusion and the questions, nothing ever seems to make sense
You are climbing a tremendous mountain everyday from the beginning to the end
Some days you are victorious and you reach the very top,
Looking on with hopes and amazement but waiting for that dreadful drop
Other days you take a step only to fall down in dismay
But on these days you get back up because there has to be a better way
For this is a journey that we must win,  not for us but for our kin
It's a long and rocky road ahead but as always we will keep climbing
We believe and we know, that the most wonderous day is coming
The day when I can tell my daughter it is all done, the dream has come
That day when they find a cure I will praise that day for you and for me
and from that day on my sweet little Cara, the diabetes daughter you no longer must be.

Written by Nicole C

If Diabetes Was A Monster

If Diabetes was a monster what would it be:
Would it be ferocious and mean
Like nothing you have ever seen
Would it make you tremble in your feet
Really something you would never want to meet
OR
Would it be quiet and meek Lurking around like a little sneak
Hiding over and under I really do wonder
If Diabetes was a monster how would it move:
Would it move fast like the speed of light
Throughout the day and all of the night
OR
Would it be sluggish and slow without making a sound
Creeping and crawling all around town
If diabetes was a monster what would you say:
Would you say hi with a smile but still run away
OR
Would you yell and would you shout
"GO AWAY AND GET OUT"
If diabetes was a monster what would that make you:
A SUPER STRONG SUPER TOUGH SUPER BRAVE SUPER KID.....
A SUPER HERO that is who!

Written by Nicole C

Diabetes Songs


Oh A1c

by Alissa

Oh A1c, Oh A1c, I raise my voice to heaven
Oh A1c, Oh A1c, in hopes it’s less than seven
The past three months we’ve had a slump
Despite corrections from the pump
Oh A1c, Oh A1c, just please don’t be eleven

Oh A1c, Oh A1c, we’ve tried to stay in range
Oh A1c, Oh A1c, so it seems very strange
That when I download from her Flash
I see the spikes and then the crash
Oh A1c, Oh A1c, you shall this Mom derange

Oh A1c, Oh A1c, I wake with such a fright
Oh A1c, Oh A1c, to my alarm’s delight
But one day when the Cure has come
I’ll beat that clock until it’s dumb
Oh A1c, Oh A1c, and sleep a silent night

Count the Carbs

by Alissa
Count the carbs with cups and scales
Fa la la la la la la la la
Guesstimate when all else fails
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hands and fists are quite a treasure
Fa la la la la la la la la
When without a one cup measure
Fa la la la la la la la la

Factored carbs are even greater
Fa la la la la la la la la
But require a calculator
Fa la la la la la la la la
Units you must designate
Fa la la la la la la la la
Don't forget to tare the plate!
Fa la la la la la la la la

Candy canes are roughly twenty
Fa la la la la la la la la
You will have to fudge a-plenty
Fa la la la la la la la la
Guess them now and fix it after
Fa la la la la la la la la
Just correct and meet with laughter
Fa la la la la la la la la

Silent Night

By Barbie Paulsen
Silent night, basal check night
Faces lit by the pump's green light
There'll be no sleeping for mother or child
Whether the numbers are wild or mild
Sleep, good heavens, what's sleep?
Sleep, I wish I could sleep.

Silent Night, full moon night,
Parents quake at the sight
Numbers rise and then plummet and fall
We try hard to keep track of it all
Will it be better by morn?
I hope it's better come morn.

Silent night, regular night
Do a test by the pale night light
Meter and strips are right there in their place
No sign of waking stirs my child's face
What is all of this worth?
Good health is what it's all worth.

Meter (Dreidel)

By Barbie Paulsen

I have a little meter
I use it through the day,
When finger's done with bleeding
Then dreidel I can play

Chorus:
Oh, meter, meter, meter
I use it every day
And when I'm done with testing
I throw used strips away (Hah!)

I have a little meter,
It counts down really fast
And keeps a steady record
Of when I tested last

--Chorus--

I have a little meter
I take it everywhere
But when I need to use it
Sometimes it isn't there

No More Lows!

by Alissa
(to the tune of “Let It Snow!”)

Oh the numbers at night are frightful
And the meter now seems spiteful
I’m exhausted and I think it knows
No more lows! No more lows! No more lows!

All this sugar shoving has me praying
That those teeth are not decaying
How much longer is this going to go?
No more lows! No more lows! No more lows!

For a while things worked out right
Numbers were steady till dawn
But now it seems every night
I’m thinking about Glucagon!

Now I’m thinking it would be nifty
If we could see one-fifty
‘Cause the glucose tabs are running low
No more lows! No more lows! No more lows!

I want a cure for Christmas

By Jane Hunsche
(to the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer")

I want a cure for Christmas.
Santa that's my only prayer.
I don't want toys or money,
Just take away my shots this year!

All of the other children,
get to eat the cake and pie.
I have to check my glucose,
praying that it isn't high.

Oh what joy that day will bring,
when I hear them say,
"Diabetes is no more,
finally we've found a cure!"

So please find a cure for Christmas,
then I will shout out with glee,
with all of the other children,
"THIS DISEASE IS HISTORY!"

Rufus the Type 1 Brown Bear

by Alissa and Samantha
Rufus the Type 1 Brown Bear
Had to always prick his toes
And if you checked his sugar
You might come to find he’s low

All of the other brown bears
Thought that Rufus had Type 2
So when they had some candy,
They would tell him, “Not for you!”

Then one day a CDE
Helped him to explain,
“I take insulin, you see,
Sugar is just fine for me!”

Then all the brown bears nodded
As they came and shook his hand
“Rufus we’re really sorry,
Now we finally understand!”

Test Strips 

by Alissa
(to the tune of “Latkes”)
Test strips, test strips, I see test strips
Not a little, but a lot of test strips
Test strips, test strips, I see test strips
Not a little, but a lot! Of test strips

Test strips are so useful when they show me my bg
But they turn up later, reproducing magically!

Test strips, test strips, I see test strips
Not a little, but a lot of test strips
Test strips, test strips, I see test strips
Not a little but a LOT!!

The Twelve CWD Days of Christmas

By Dawn Burr

On the first day of Christmas my parents gave to me
One LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the second day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Two boxes BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the third day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the fourth day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the fifth day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the sixth day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Six jars of test strips
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the seventh day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Seven boxes of alcohol swabs
Six jars of test strips
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the eighth day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Eight bottles of ketodiastix
Seven boxes of alcohol swabs
Six jars of test strips
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the ninth day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Nine Blood Glucose log books
Eight bottles of KetoDiaStix
Seven boxes of alcohol swabs
Six jars of test strips
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the tenth day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Ten bags of Sugar Free Hershey bars
Nine Blood Glucose log books
Eight bottles of KeotDiaStix
Seven boxes of alcohol swabs
Six jars of test strips
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the eleventh day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Eleven sharps containers
Ten bags of Sugar Free Hershey bars
Nine Blood Glucose log books
Eight bottles of KeotDiaStix
Seven boxes of alcohol swabs
Six jars of test strips
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

On the twelfth day of Christmas my parents gave to me
Twelve A1c Home Test Kits
Eleven sharps containers
Ten bags of Sugar Free Hershey bars
Nine Blood Glucose log books
Eight bottles of KeotDiaStix
Seven boxes of alcohol swabs
Six jars of test strips
Five packs of lancets
Four vials of insulin
Three bottles of glucose tabs
Two boxes of BD Ultra Fine II needles
And a LifeScan Ultra Smart Meter

We Three Kings (of CGMS) as sung by: Minimed, Dexcom and Abbott

by Allisa L

We three kings of CGMS
Bear appeals to BC/BS
To top advisers working for Kaiser
Aetna, and all the rest

Chorus:
O grant us coverage, hear our pleas
Embrace these new technologies
Understand the constant demands
Of living with this disease

Lack of sleep is causing great woes
All for fear of nocturnal lows
Our alarms protect from harm
By warning of all hypos

Chorus

Our mission isn't so strange:
Information keeps you in range!
Over time, if you spend the dime
You're in for some major change

Chorus

Finger sticks will take you so far
But imagine driving a car
Where ev'ry few hours, you get the power
To ascertain where you are

Chorus

Interstitial fluid works great
For our users to calibrate
Current readings they'll be heeding
Helping them navigate
 

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